Third and State

The Onion informs us this week that March Madness just isn’t the same at downsized workplaces across the country. Or at least, it isn’t taking as much printer time.

The incomparable “fake news” site offers up this rather dark (and worrisomely real) take on basketball office pools post-recession:

COLUMBUS, OH—Employees at Take 5 Media said the smaller-than-usual stack of brackets printed out Wednesday for this year's NCAA basketball tournament served as a stark reminder of just how many workers have been laid off from the design firm over the past year.

"I saw that thin pile of brackets at reception and that's when it really hit me how much we've downsized," said project coordinator Daryl Kedzie, who then began listing off names of former colleagues who have lost their jobs since the recession. "Let's see, Steve's gone—he was a huge Kansas fan. Then there was Tim, who always picked Duke, which we constantly gave him the business about. And by we, I mean me and Erin, who was let go last November and didn't really watch college basketball that much but enjoyed being in the pool. And Henry, of course, who went to Ohio State and was laid off just before Christmas. Man, we would have heard from Henry a lot this year. Huge Buckeyes fan."

"Henry was a good guy," Kedzie added. "I wonder how his wife and two kids are doing. Actually, it would be three by now. Tami was pregnant."

Here’s hoping next March’s office pool takes more than 30 seconds to print.